Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize