First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
