Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
