Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
