I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
