my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
