I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
