Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
