I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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