im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
