She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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