and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
