Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
