Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
