bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
