Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
