The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
