I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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