Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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