My sheets look like a crime scene.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
