question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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