Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
