I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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