you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
