pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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