I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
