Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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