He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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