the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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