I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
