Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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