I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
