No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
