you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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