Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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