She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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