You smell like stripper and shame
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
