I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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