I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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