probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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