They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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