3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I want to make a zoo with you.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
