your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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