Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
