sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
