If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
