walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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