operation harelip BJ is a go
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize