They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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