There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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