I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
