Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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