I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
