i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
