You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
