i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize