and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
