I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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