At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
