I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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