the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
