I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the condom got lost in my hair
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What drink are we having for lunch?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
