just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize