Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
