So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
