Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
