Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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