hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
