In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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