He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
