went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
