You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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