Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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