so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
