I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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