a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
